sometimes; not often it feels like then when I talk to people, friends,, people i have on my messenger lists whatnot. It feels like I am bothering them, like they have something else more important to do. and yet I still try to converse with them. I know that I am not an easy person to talk to and that usually getting answers from me is like pulling teeth. I just have a really hard time being open and forthcoming with people. I have a few close friends who I know don’t care and that makes them easier to talk to.
Most of them are busy with work, family, gaming or whatnot. And while they are happy to hear from me ( or so I assume) that there is something better they could be doing. Often I am more open with strangers than I am with family members, mostly because the strangers i talk to don’t know anyone else I know which makes things easier. Easier because if this sense i have that if I tell one person they will tell another and another and so on and so forth. when all I wanted to have was a nice private conversation with that one person about something. Without telling the whole world about it.
I do not know, maybe there is something wrong inside my head. Maybe I should go talk to someone or start taking meds or something. I just do not know. does this mean that I am going to just vanish someday? No of course not that would be silly. I do know that this means that some people may find it frustrating to talk to me. Maybe I like who I am now and am scared of the person I would become if those problems where resolved, I just do not know. Or perhaps I am just thinking to much into this, being to introspective and should stop doing that, I suppose that only time will tell.
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